I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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