Where did you get a picture of my penis
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
