yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
