I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
