my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
