Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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