nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
