Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
