we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
