my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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