Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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