ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
