Pants 0. Shit 1.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
