i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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