I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
