So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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