So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
