Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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