Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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