My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
