As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
