I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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