It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Come share oat with me in your robe
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
