The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
