dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
