My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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