I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dicks are not precious.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
