You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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