My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
