Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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