So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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