Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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