I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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