it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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