I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
