Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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