guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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