Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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