Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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