ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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