remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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