Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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