My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
