Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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