I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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