I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
