Do you still have your period?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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