I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
