So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i think my cat just said my name.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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