when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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