im six kinds of drunk right now
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
